A Lot of People to Hate

The population of the U.S. is scheduled to hit 300,000,000 sometime around midnight tonight. That's a lot of people to hate, Strelly. You might want to take Wednesday off and get started.

That thing got a hemmie?

My new job is giving my hemmeroids because to kill time at work I take my Blackberry into the shitter and play Brick Breaker.

Strelly, am I eligible for worker's comp?

Happy 100th

I can think of no better way to celebrate the 100th Strellyblog post than by sharing with you, our fanatically loyal and fiercely retarded readers, the following CNN headline:

Pit bulls jump miniature pony, leave her bloody

Happy 100th Strelly. May your pit bulls always be out of control and your miniature ponies always bloody.

99 Bloggles of Beer on the Wall

In honor of the upcoming 100th Strellyblog post coming up, we have planned a number of surprises that I hope Strelly will enjoy. Among them are: 1)An anaconda/baboon/labradoodle cage match (with chairs and 2 X 4's) to be held in
MacArthur Park; 2)A skywriter will inscribe "Strellybog's 100th Posting! A Kick in Society's Junk!" in the sky above Glendale; and 3)Strelly will be outfitted with bionic forearms so that he can punch his way through the salad bar at Sizzler.

The celebration further continues as I unveil my dog's, Moe, new ability to speak. I have taught him one sentence only, but it's apropos as shit, don't you think?

Shed a Tear

Strelly and I did a little estate planning this morning over flapjacks and steak-flavored coffee. Strelly has decided that when he dies he wants a Viking funeral. He'd like his body placed in a Harold's Chicken Shack, lit on fire, and set out to drift in Lake Michigan.

Next Tuesday work for everyone? Great!

You Say Commuting...I Say Transcending

A lot of folks in L.A. need caffeine first thing in the morning to handle a commute that can sometimes make the Trail of Tears seem like a tiptoe through the tulips. What makes me different? Strellyblog. That's what. You can see from this picture, not only my aura which kind of looks like a brush fire, but also that I have Strelly in my eyes, that fierce dtermination that says, "Look out traffic, or you're gonna get socked in the junk." Then when I get to work I whip myself up a frothy ribbocino (recipe: 2 spare ribs, 3 oz. soy sauce, fresh Peruvian fair trade beans), sit back, and wait for the world to end.

Biznasty

Go read this blog. In fact, don't. It's a bunch of lies and half-baked horseshit. And in further fact (+2 vs. creatures with facial hair and dingleberries), if you see the purveyor of this malicious smut, let me know. I think he's trying to kill me by force feeding my Doritos and Cherry Coke and making me play Dungeons & Dragons until I can't separate reality from a +4 long sword vs. bad mescalin. Yeah, right! Like there's such a thing as bad mescalin!